by tomthedancingbug.com
twitter: @rubenbolling
© 2000 R. Bolling
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![Image](http://rapeutation.com/librariescrewed.1z84.gif)
TOM the DANCING BUG PRESENTS: NEWS OF THE TIMES: LIBRARY SYSTEM TERRORIZES PUBLISHING INDUSTRY
[Publisher's Voice] A book locating/lending phenomenon known as the "Dewey Decimal System" -- enabling users to get access to copyrighted text material for free -- has sent shockwaves through a panicked publishing industry.
[Publisher's Spokesman Brent Aullett] Why would anyone PAY for a book once it's accessible FOR FREE?!
[Publisher's Voice] The plan is as complex as it is diabolically clever. A "Library" buys books, users find them through Dewey's classification system, and borrow them for free! The inventor of the system is Melvil Dewey, a plucky 149-year-old who's been dead for 69 years, so his business plan is unclear. But he's got readers giddily borrowing books, to be consumed at leisure, and free of charge!
[Male Reader] Screw Updike! I'm beating the system!
[Female Reader] Power to the People!
[Narrator] Established writers like Tom Clancy have stopped producing their output.
[Tom Clancy] What's that you say? LIBRARIES? For FREE?! Denise, get me Ovitz! I'm packing it in!
[Publisher's Voice] Young writers have also given up. Brad McClatchen has ceased work on his collection of poems entitled "Of an Oleander, Recriminate."
[Brad McClatchen] Obviously, my dream of making millions through poetry is dust. I'm calling my brother about that tire sales job.
[Publisher's Voice] Publishers of course are suing, but they are not optimistic.
[Penguin Books] Mark my words: This "Dewey Decimal System" will be the death of literature!
[Publisher's Voice] Next: Shower-Singing Threatens Music Industry!
[Shower-Singer] I wanna know what love is ...